A Baby’s (Excuse Me, Toddler’s) Review of Pink Cadillac

Note: Daddy is going through some writer’s block and working a lot on projects around the house and hasn’t really kept up with his writing, so I’m going to help him out today.

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I woke up the other day in my warm crib and listened for sounds of Mommy or Daddy. I could hear Mommy in the kitchen and it sounded like Dad was filling up the wood stove with wood. I like the wood stove and I really wish that I could convince my parents that it’s ok for me to play with it. They won’t let me, repeating over and over that it is “hot” and will “burn the baby.” I really think that they underestimate my intelligence sometimes. I know that it’s hot but I don’t know who this “baby” is to which they refer. After all, from what I’ve read, at thirteen months I’m a toddler! I can walk, I’m learning to run, I can climb all the stairs, everywhere, which I like to do because I always get chased and I get to show everyone how fast I can go up. Sometimes I get caught before I make it to the top, which always makes me mad. I don’t have to be carried all the time!

I do like to be carried though. It’s fun. I think about riding Dad’s shoulders and giving Mommy kisses while I jump up and down in the bed. It’s time for them to get me out, and from the sounds below my bedroom I can tell that we’re going somewhere!! That’s doubly exciting.

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I give up and start to throw my blankets out while yelling “Uh-Oh!” Parents are so funny. They think that it is awesome that I can say that, but as Sadie, my friend that I play with, and I have discussed, it’s hard to get parents to take you seriously when you are still so little. So I just do what I can for them and feel sorry that they can’t understand everything that I say. I understand them!

After throwing all my blankets in the floor I realize I’ve made a mistake, for now I’m a bit sleepy and my blankets are out of reach. So, embarrassingly enough, I do what always works. I cry. Not a minute goes by before I hear both my parents coming up the stairs in a mad rush. I like how they always run for me. It makes me feel special.

Dad has made breakfast, ‘cause he smells like oats, fruit and honey. Yummm. One of my favorites. Oatmeal with fruit! We are definitely going somewhere, their suitcases and my diaper bag are by the door and Dad loads the car while I show Mommy how far I can throw the oatmeal. I eat too much and I feel full and sleepy and I need to poop. I’ll be in the car for a few hours, and it’s time for my nap so I go ahead and poop so Mommy can change my diaper while Dad is outside. Dad means well and he tries, but sometimes he gets my diaper wrong. I have to show him how to dress me every time too, so I’d rather Mom do it this morning so we can get on the road and I can take a nap. We get in the car and the sound of the radio and my parents talking soon put me to sleep…

I wake up a little hungry and thirsty! Dad spins round in his seat and gives me milk, but my stomach is growling! I remind them it’s time to eat and they have a place in mind! The Pink Cadillac! I’m excited, I like Cadillac Cars. My Mommy has one and I like it a lot. Daddy likes it too, I can tell, ‘cause he always sleeps while Mommy is driving. Mommy likes to drive fast!

We get off exit 180 off I-81 North and pull into a gravel parking lot with lots of cars and an old pink Cadillac out front! The waitresses are all so nice and they tell me I’m so cute and handsome, but I already know that. I smile at them and hope they don’t try to hold me. I don’t like it when strangers hold me unless they are pretty.

I can tell that Mom and Dad have been here before. They order cheeseburgers immediately with fries and I cheer up. I like homemade cheeseburgers a lot, especially my Daddy’s and this seems like the kind of place that would have a good burger. There are lots of stuff on the walls and I blow bubbles in my apple juice and play peek-a-boo with the people behind us. They looked bored and unhappy.

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The burgers come fast! With lots of fries and ketchup and pickles and onions and tomatoes and mayo and American Cheese! Yummm. My favorites. Mom and Dad feed me their burgers and I try not to drool on them, but it’s really hard with all my new teeth coming in. I eat a lot and feel like I’m sleepy again.

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We say goodbye to everyone and I wave, which seems to make everyone happy. I don’t know why, so I just wave some more. I can tell we’ll be coming back to this place when we can and I think about how cool it is to be a toddler now while Mommy puts me in my car seat. I hear her say that we’re going to Nana’s house, so I’m happy – I’m going to get lots of presents. And oysters. And stew. And lamb, and risotto, and chocolate cake and carrots and her special pasta sauce and all kinds of stuff.

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I need to poop.

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