The past six months have been some of the most exciting and terrifying times of my life. I think that anyone who has a child can reverberate with what I have written, but I’ve written most of the posts to Facebook. At the advice of some good friends, an editor or two and my family, I’ve started publishing them in here, but they are in reverse, beginning from now, when he’s six months old, to when he was born, on December 30, 2012, at exactly 10:28. His Mom, my wonderful wife and best friend, went into labor while we were in one of our very favorite restaurants, The Underground Pub in Blacksburg, Virginia. Shew was in labor for somewhere around a week (it seemed, but not really) before she was screaming at me to HURRY as I drove to Roanoke in one of the worst windstorms of my life. She actually thought I was drunk, but I was just so terrified of getting into an accident that 45 mph seemed just too fast. Nevertheless, we made it, she made it, I made it and Nolan, most importantly of all, made it. So, since his birth I’ve kept kind of an accidentle account of “Daddyhood.” Here goes, from the most recent post:
Daddyhood, sometime in July:
1. The baby is for some reason furious with is plastic toothing key toy.
2. He still grins and waves at me even when he’s furious. I think he should be a world leader.
3. Or maybe even Batman, but I don’t want to get shot. I especially don’t want his Mom to get shot over some damn pearls.
4. So maybe the batmobile isn’t so cool. …
5. I’m not even a doctor!! Or a billionaire. Or close to either one, so Batman is out.
6. Maybe it’s like Jon Guy Owens said, Henry is Wolverine, and Nolan is the Hulk.
7. I hope they don’t fight. Jon and I fought once. It hurt a lot.
8. Nolan seriously hates cold water.
9. But he really likes pretty women!
10. And all the beets in the world.
My wife loves fast cars. A little bit more than me, to be honest and nobody but me has let her live this fact down. The faster, the better. So, a few years ago we bought her a Cadillac SRX-4 with a Corvette engine. To my knowledge, the only other SUV that is faster is that Porshe thing, and I think that is dependent on who’s driving what. Laura can drive. Period. So my money would be on the Cadillac. This is a quite so-non-fictional account of a conversation between Laura and I:
A phone conversation: Me: Hey baby, are you on your way home?
Laura: What? Me: You’re breaking up. Laura: We’re breaking up???
Me: Yeah, I can’t hear you. Laura: You can’t hear me?? Me: No. How was your day? Laura: How is Nolan? What do you mean, we’re breaking up?
Me: He’s fine, I tied a blanket around his head, gave him a snake and a gun and put him in traffic. … Laura: Silence.
Me: I’m kidding. I love you! Nolan is fine! Laura: The sound of a 420 horsepower Cadillac rocketing through space and time. Me: Well….damn. I screwed up. This is going to be awkward.
So, anyway, Mr. Nolan, you are never getting one of your Mother’s cars. They are way to fast, and you aren’t going to have enough sense to drive one. I’m out for now, Thank all of you for reading and for your feedback!